Final farewell

This is my last journal entry. I want to share what I liked, disliked and learned. What I liked about the journal entry was the fact that I had to really put some thought into what it was that I wanted to share. It was not always easy to come up with a topic to write about. At first it was even difficult. I started the journals by only sharing my days. Over the course of time I came up with more interesting topics on things I enjoyed. I even ended up writing little pieces of fictional stories. I did not like the fact that at times the journals felt like a job, more than an enjoyment. At times I had to force my entries, in order to get them done. Though, like I said earlier, it did get easier over time. There are a few entries that are about nothing. One is just basically rambling off everything in my head, some are assigned topics. I have improved on my writing and typing ability over the course of this semester. It is easier for me to write on topics assigned, and I am not as bad about putting ...... when I am thinking, which use to be a bad habit. My typing is a lot better. I can now type a lot faster, and I can type more accurately. I would say overall that the journals over the semester was good practice for me on different levels. I do not plan on being a writer, but some of the basic information learned in class was applied to my journals as time went on. Later I hope to apply it to communication in the work place. I would like to keep this journal going for the rest of my college years. Some of the journals in here can be a good reflection of my mind set when I was in college.

Red Bumble bees and their ability to procreate with blue catepillars.

It such a reminder about what mother nature is capable of when we see the the remarkable outcome of the red bumble bee and the blue catepillar. I have heard of these bumblepillars when I was a child, but knowing that they only hatch every 50 years, I never thought that I would get the chance to witness it for myself. When my old collegue from pfizer called me and informed me of the miraculous hatching I had to go witness it myself. The red bumblebee is from the depths of the asian jungle. So when they migrate in to the United States it is like a colourful cloud moving across the sky. We seen them coming from a distance, as we were standing in the Arizona desert there was very boud skies. Just as we could hear the buzz of htese insects, the blue catepillar obviuosly could to. Below our feet came from the sand bright blue catepillars. They came out by the hundreds and covered acres of the dessert. The two insects mated. You are probably wondering how a catepillar mates with a bumble bee, but it is simple. The mating between these two is a very easy process. The bee simply hoovers over the catepillar and the catepillar holds incredibly still until the bee has "stung" the catepillar. The Red Bumble bee does not sting for protection, only for mating. When this process is done, the catepillar spins a web made of colours from the rainbow. Inside the web lies little offspring of blue catepillars and red bumblebees. It is remarkable. When they hatch, the parent hatches out into the red bumble bee and the baby inside comes out to bee the blue catepillar. It is remarkable. Sometimes, there is a very slight chance that the colours during the breeding process will mix and the outcome will be a purple-red bee and purple blue catepillar. It is not often when this happens. This is a once in a lifetime hatching. it is not often that one person will witness this taking place during their life time.

Purple Floozick and the American Race

First we need to start with what a purple floozick is. A purple floozick is a little tiny aniamail, that cant hardly be seen by the human eye. I say cant hardly, because it is kinda like a chigger, if your looking very closely you may be able to see the tiny spec of purple. It flies around, or more like glides around from person to person. When it lands on a human it crawls right into the nose and makes a nice home, don't worry though, it is a picky creature. The reason scientist started researching their existence was the major mood swings in people. When a very angry person is yelling at the cashier at customer service, it is a purple floozick. It gets on you and messes with your mental stability. It is not enough that you may be hospitalized, but it is enough that your mom, dad, husband or wife may notice if around you for any length while it has made its home in your nose. It is not a good thing to have one of these choose you, you will be more irritated. You may not feel like driving due to the fact that your not the only person on the road, yes you have no patients. So if you have a sudden case of road rage, don't worry. Park the car, and inform the police asap about the floozick. Be sure they know before they get to the scene, in case your floozick is affecting you to the point that you could be arrested. The great thing about having one of these unspoken of floozicks is that once you understand the amount of irritability's it can bring to you, you will understand the next time someone gives you the finger in traffic or curses you out for a unneeded reason. Their patients are gone, bear with them and coax them down. Explain to them about the floozick if you want. It seems to me that once they know they are immediately relieved, sometimes even crying with laughter. I once had a middle aged man get very upset at me in a grocery store for being on my cell phone. I hung up the phone and explained he could not control his emotions, it was the floozicks. He was better within minutes. He was a bundle of laughter as he slowly walked away shaking his head. I am sure today that he was shaking his head because he had realized how dumb he must have been for yelling at me in the store. I mean, You don't go out in public and not expect to hear talking right? He was irritable. Know what the floozick is and be prepared for it when it lands on you. Now you could keep your nosed plugged at all times or full of cotton, that will prevent the floozick from going into your nose. I suggest though that you just find a funny friend. Laughter causes this floozick to leave, moving on to the next person. Good luck and watch out for others with the floozick.

swine flu facts.and a few pics..

What is swine flu?Swine Influenza (swine flu) is a respiratory disease of pigs caused by type A influenza viruses that causes regular outbreaks in pigs. People do not normally get swine flu, but human infections can and do happen. Swine flu viruses have been reported to spread from person-to-person, but in the past, this transmission was limited and not sustained beyond three people.The symptoms of swine flu in people are similar to the symptoms of regular human flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. Some people have reported diarrhea and vomiting associated with swine flu. In the past, severe illness (pneumonia and respiratory failure) and deaths have been reported with swine flu infection in people. Like seasonal flu, swine flu may cause a worsening of underlying chronic medical conditions

mom

Making the most of “MOM” means putting time in to yourself as well as your family. I have learned over the past 9 years that you have to do things for yourself as a mother. You have to know how to get your own peace and quiet and enjoy it. You cannot expect to be running around chasing after, cleaning up and running errands without a total melt down if you don’t take time for yourself. I use to think that doing anything for me was selfish and not what a mother we suppose to do. I spent every die trying to do, do, do, for my family. Then I realized that I had lost total sight of myself and was nothing but the house cleaner and errands girl. To top it off I was completely stressed out and everyone in the house knew so. There comes a time when you have got them fed, appointment done and everyone’s clean...that you just have to take time to take care of the person that is suppose to take care of everyone else. I think this is especially important if you work a job to boot it off. That narrows the time you do have to run the errands and look after everyone else.


2. The criminal Justice system does not have to be an enemy for every mother that deals with that troubled teen. It can be a system to help that child get learn from his mistakes and get on his/her way. Some parents see systems and programs like this one as the enemy, but in fact it can be the best friend any mother ever had if you’re dealing with that troubled teen.


3. Smart Mothers don’t always get easy choices. It seems to me that it is incredibly easy to say yes to everything every single child in the house wants... then as a mother you never have to see to that they have stuck to the groundings, spent their time in the time out space, or listenen to the whinning when they are told no.A smart mother will realize though, once the child is told no a few times, he no longer ask, they then begin to learn boundries that they will later carry with them in life. Boundaries are important for children to learn, because boundaries are expected to be followed as an adult in order to lead a healthy life. Smart Mothers also realize that education choices are not always easy, but can later be the future of the child. Most importantly, a very hard decision is for the working mother. To go back to work or not. This can be the ultimate question? Is it right or is it wrong? Does it teach good work ethics or does it leave a learning child to educate their self?

4. A business mom must be on top of her game in order to succeed in the work force. As a working mother of two boys it is very hard to manage those boys and my job. I sometimes have to decide between staying home with the boys while they are sick and giving them the chicken soup and warm blankets, and going to work and worrying all day if the fill babysitter at the time is treating them like I would if I were able to be home. There are many benefits of working moms, getting out and socializing is one, not only knowing what the coolest toy for the kids in the 1st grade is nice. I think it is great to have adult conversation with people that I can relate to on topics that are important to me. I do think that the latest toys are great and love when the boys share them with me, but everyone needs the human interaction. I also think a mother has to know everyone’s schedules in advance, keep them in mind and have arrangements made. Along with arrangements for emergencies and time that work is requiring overtime.

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Stay at home moms and an education. There is nothing better than an education especially for a parent. I think it sets an example, and later is not something they can say that they’re not doing because darn it you didn’t either. I know that there are a lot of mothers that are not working and not getting an education. Yet there are a lot of programs to offer these mothers, more programs than alt of other people and genres. I do not understand why struggling single mothers are not expected to be enrolled in school as long as their children are of age to go to preschool. I think the government should either force these parents out of the home to at least get an education or to work. I think getting an education for anyone and everyone is the best gift or accomplishment that anyone could make.

My favorite dish

My favorite dish is sushi rolls. I tried to make them once. It was on Ben's birthday, because sushi is also one of his favorite dishes. He does not like the rolls as well as me, but he does enjoy them. So I went to my boss at work, who I knew was also a sushi roll lover, and had mentioned that he makes them at home sometimes. He offered even to teach me, but I wanted to do it alone with Ben. We did try to make them, and they were good, but it is cheaper to go eat out at a nice sushi restaurant them have them flop at home.



I am not sure exactly how to make them, this has been two years ago that I did them at home.

First you boil the Japenese rice, vinegar, sugar, and let it cool.

Then you cut up your ingredients, We put yellow tail tuna, lobster and crab in ours as the main filler.

We also added cucumbers, cream cheese, carrots, and avocado.

after preparing all the ingredients, you take one seaweed paper and evenly spread the rice over it. Just enough so that the entire paper is coated.

** A little helpful hint is that it is very important to keep your hands as clean as possible throughout the entire process.

After the seaweed is coated you take your main filler, choose one, or use a little of each, and you put it at on end of the evenly spread out rice. You also add your veggies at this point.

Then you roll the sushi and slice and eat. Add your sauce of choice and maybe sesame seed. Eel sauce is good, this is what I would suggest. or some kind of already made calamari sauce... a little sweet. Japanese mayo and crab is also very good. Take your pick, be sure and ask when you go to buy your fish at the Japanese market. Don't forget the soy sauce and wasabi.



Get the peanut butter and jelly out of the fridge, it will be in the door somewhere. Hope you like smuckers sugar free jelly and natural peanut butter, its all we have. Grab the wheat bread from the counter and get a butter knife out of the drawer there by the sink, and a spoon. Plates are directly above the counter and you can use the cutting board if you like, I leave it on the counter all the time. Take the peanut butter and smear it on one side of the sandwich, puts lot of peanut butter on, put a little the jelly on the other piece of bread with the spoon. Put the two pieces of bread together, with the uncovered side of the bread facing out. Cut it into fours. Put it on the plate.

Swin FLu

Swin Flu? I havent even ever hard of such a thing until taday. whaty is this all about? It seems to me that it is just another flu. Other than none of us want to be sick or very ill. I dont understand where it comes from. TI had read somewhere that it is affecting the ags of 16-40. That is the reason that cdc is so worried and raised it to a lvel 4. I am not sure what level 4 means, but I know once it gets to a level 6, you better worry if you had not yet. I am worried because it is closing schools in new mexico an one in the us. I can be sick fine by me, but dont want the little ones ill. I was reading what I wcould about it on the internet and it said that this time the flu that they are actually calling swine {pi} is really pig, bird, human flu. maybe this is a good thing, vaccinate us and get rid of all three for good. If it works like that at all. Anyhow, they say that usually the swine flu really is transmited by pigs, from pig to pig, and sometimes to humans. But this time it is from pig human and birds? I dont get it, I guess we are not really ment to that is why our goverment pys everyone so welll to take care of all of that. It does worry me though, because I guess even supermarkets in Mexico have closed. No business goes with out their daily pay anymore.. not for anyone or anything other than a dollar. I am not sure what is more of an epidemic, this flu or people closing registers with the possibility they might loose a little money. I dont mean that to be mena, us poor folks cant afford to bloose a dime or we just wont get by. Cant buy a rich mans gold for a dime. Anyhow, getting off subject. I hope this swine fluy is not really that bad and we see the end of it in a couple of days.. maybe you should prey?

Cats

I like animals so I thought I would write about them on here today. The white tiger is one that I all ways have liked. I think that they are beautiful creatures. I guess the reason they are white is they have a genetic disorder that causes them to loose the orange color but not the dark stripes. White tigers are larger than orange tigers also. They can have a genetic disorder that does cause them to loose the dark stripes. Here are a few pictures of the tigers I mentioned

Also there is the orange tiger, which everyone of us have seen at a zoo, or possibly on a wild safari adventure. They are on average about 600 pounds. Most them having over one hundred stripes.

The lion is a part of the four big cat family. I don't personally think it is as pretty as the tiger, but they do have a quality about them that just makes me feel a sense of respect. Maybe it their power. The Lion weighs about 550 lbs, that weight being the larger males. They claim that lions are a delicate species and have seen a major decline in their population. They typically only live to be about 14 years old, with the oldest known, being about 20. Allot of the male lions only live to 8. Lions do not typically hunt humans, but they have been known to. Like tigers, there are white lions. They use to say it was an old tale passed on, the sight of the white lion, in the 20th century, they were discovered.

Next to the tiger, the leopard is one of my favorite animals. Unlike the tiger and lion, we all know the black coloration of leopards, as the blank panther. They are a very scary cat. Who an run up to 37 miles an hour. Too fast for me. Unlike most big cats, the leopard has a wide variety o diet. It even eats insects. There has been cases that leopards did hunt humans. One in particular, called the leopard of Panar, had supposedly killed over 400 people. They claim that once a leopard hunts a human, it is more likely to hunt again. Though most leopards are terrified of humans and will keep their distance.

Last is the jaguar. It is located here in the United States. The larger males weigh about 350 lbs. and are about 6 feet long. The interesting part about the jaguar was the way they kill their prey. They call it the piercing method. They go for the temporal bones of the skull between the ears. There is also a black jaguar, it is also called a black panther.

Overprotective or caring?

I was reading a article on MSN, it was about the role that mothers play these days. A mother of a daughter was writing about wether or not we should be the rescuer from dissapiontment of the nuturer who realizes that dissapiontment is part of life. It seems to me that being overprotective is part of a mother. Last year my son was in kindergarten. I as the working, housewife, College Student, and whatever I neede to be for my spouse and kids. His kindergarten experience was not what I believed it was suppose to be. Early in the morning I would drop off my Tukker at the school bus route, and I had to rush off to work. During his short wait at the bus stop, there was a bully. This other kid known as Tony, who was in the third grade, picked at my son. One day it went as far as Tony knocking my son down and kicking him till he puked. I thought that was a little harsh for gradeschool fighting. This behavior continued for a while, my older son tried to help, I tried to get my son to fight back... but nothing. He took the abuse and would come running home telling me about these incidents. I hated it, every morning my heart sank when they got out of the truck and walked twards the bus stop. I couldnt stay as I had to be at work. I called the school and they said there was not alot they could do if it was only happening before and after school. That left me with no options. So finally I convine my son that if he doesnt do something about Tony, I would ground him for a certain time until he did. My cell phone buzzed right in the middle of my work day.. flashing it was the school. I answered, expecting the usual sick child alert. This time it was not, It was about my son and Tony. They informed me that they had to take down their fight free flag because my son had raised his fist to tony. I was devistated, and the principle was expecting me to take action with Tukker. In my mind though, I knew I could not do anything except accept that Tukker finally took care of his bully. I was proud of my son, but dissapionted that the principle wanted to ban Tukker from recess for three days. I couldnt even begin to understand. This bully has beaten my kid into puking tears and now my son decides after lots of prompting not to take it, and you want to punish my child? I could not as a parent let that happen, so I set up a confrence with the pricipal. Needless to say Tony finally did get into trouble, but not the trouble I expected him to get into after his parents heard. I went to his mom also, she did nothing, boys wiill be boys... well maybe overprotecting boys will make them a little softer, but I can say proudly that my boys will never be the boy that kid is. My kids kow what compassion and love is for people. They have fallen on their butt, and I sit by and watched them cry, bitting my lip. I am here to piont out to a mother who thinks that being overprotective is too much. It isnt in some cases. If your getting responses that your child is a heathen.... ask around, watch closer, look for what they are talking about. IF one person says your a mule, dont respond. If ten people say that your a mule, look closely in the mirror. I just cant believe that a parent would let their child do that to another child. Call me overprotective.

Finding Myself

Sometimes I wonder if I havent lost myself after my divorce. When I was married to the boys dad, I knew exactly who I was. I was a working mother of two boys. Who loved the weekends off to play with them. I was a housewife, and responsible tIt seems to me that I am lost too ontop of it. All the change in my life has changed me as a person, even my personality. Some I thought was for the better, but now I dont think so. I really miss that overwhealmed mom...is he going to go and comb his hair before he goes to school. Now it is tanner dont you want your hair done? he responsed with a "no". I say well lets go, be the person you want to be. Is that ok though.. I thought so but not now. we should be the people our parents want. tHEY o make sure that everything was done around their so that we all had a day to day life. I seperated from the boys dad when they were 5 and 7. So they were young when we parted. But they were well manared kids and followed the set rules. Everything is ok now, but nothing is exactly the same. I am still a working mother, but I dont enjoy my job so well. I do also go to school so that cuts into my houewife routine. They boys also go to their dads every other to every weekend. We dont have the same traditions at holidays, and we dont spend our spare time together like we use to. Its not bad now, everything is still running like a house, but not as smoothly or as much family time. I dont miss the kids like i use to either. I mean I was in tears when they left for too many hours. Now they leave for dayss. Where did that gap from every second of their time go to, well see in four days. I miss them too. I want so bad to love on them every second when I get home, but there is so much on my plate right now that I cant keep up. Yes you can say, well how do you put your kids out for yourself, I am not sure where it started, but I know it started with this in m ind. If I go back to school I will forever be better set for their future. Not only with money, but with the means to say this is what is right. It is right to go to school, and they better go. But I guess at the time I didnt realize what I wa saraficing. I thought I was just going to spend a little time away and all will be well. Well, I think it will be ok, butI see a diffrence in them, where I am lacking. I also thoughtI would be the same person and It would only be another addition to me. It is not, am not the mothering person I was that was a big part of who I was. I have heard those sayings, when I lost you I lost a part of myself. That saying must have come from a parent who had lost their child. It really is funny how happenings in life change things about you, even phisically. A situation comes along and last long enough, being the only road you knew to take, and your diffrent. I even stumble over my speech now. I wondered if that come from some of the lack of thy knowing thyself? I want some of those thought process to return. I wanna see some things with a blind eye that I never knew before. Stupidity is bliss? That is so true. The bad things that you never noticed about peopler before, well once you see it in them..you dont feel as close as you did from the begining. You see a love one as strong? Ever see their major weakness and then see if you look at thekm the same next time a situation of strenght comes about. The doubt, it was a blindness until a certain momonet. Alot of diffrent types of moment has occured to me over the last 4 years. It has been a bad four years. Things are looking better though. But in those moments, I gained truth and Hurt. I allways say I want the truth, but there is case if i knew the outcome, I would have choose blind ness.I would stay overly involved with the boys. I would have tolerated the relationship till the kids were grown. Things would be diffrent. If I only knew?

The weekend

I hve the weekend off and it is great. I have not had a weekend off in over a month. I did get Easter off, but I spent it driving and entertaining kids. I get this whole weekend to myself with uninterupted time. It is going to be weird for me. I am not sure what I will do with the time other than homework. I have plenty of that, that I need to catch up on. All my classes have hardly assigned anything all year, then at the end of the year, there is assignment due for everyone of them. Along with the last test and finals. I know that is how it goes, but I often wonder why they dont assign the big projects right off the bat, then give us the end to pass the finals and last test? Anyhow, I am going to take some time to do homework, a little house work and maybe just time to ride my bike somewhere new. I have not got to go on a good ride for a few weeks. I also need to mow the yard. Ben does mow the yard, but it is something that I enjoy, so I will proabaly do it for the fun of it. I might even cuddle up and watch a good movie or read the rest of the book, the SHack. I started reading it about 3 months ago, and between homework and work, havve not gotten alot of time to put into getting it finished. It is a good spiritual book thus far. I would suggest it, and it was suggested for me. Anyhow, I hope that this weekend is a good one and I get to do whatever I want.

Deep Sea

I was browsing the Internet today and ran across some newly found species of animal. It got me to wondering what is out there that we don't know about? I found a website that has the newest species, as of Feb 2009. This fish, Jakarta, supposedly bounces off the ocean floor like a rubber ball.

Here is a you tube display of some of the newest ocean species. It's worth watching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blB5neeJHZI

I also found a web page that had photos of the newest frog that they have found and the latest spider. I will share them.

This is the newest jumping spider. I just thought that it was cool. I also didn't realize that there were over 500 species of jumping spiders. That's too many. I read that the blood moves to their legs, making it able for their legs to help them jump up to 80 times the size of their body. I am not sure how far that is, but I figure its far enough to keep me at a distance. I am terrified of spiders, but appreciate them more than they probably appreciate me.

This little green tree frog with the big black eyes, he is the newest of the family found. Frogs I can handle, more power to finding all of them they can. Besides look at this guy, he is cute. My favorite tree frog is the red eye tree frog. The frogs colors are fantastic.

There were other species of animals found, supposedly just 50 species of spiders alone. They were officially declared on March 25, 2009. So most of them are probably the more recent ones found on the web. If anyone has any species to share with me, please do. I find all the new discoveries amazing. How could they have lived amongst us and not have been discovered? People have basically tracked every part of the land and ocean we can. We have invaded territory of animals and made some extinct, so for them to say they found one no one has yet to see. That is great news for me.

Dubai

i wanted to write about Dubai, because I had to put together a big report/speech on it and found it very interesting. I think it would be a really good place to go and see. I will share some of the pictures with you when I am done. I would not say that I would ever want to live their because of their religious beliefs. i would most definitely like to go and see the architecture, beach and stay in the underwater motel. It is called Hydropolis, and it has about 220 underwater suites... is that cool or what. They also are known for the tallest building in the world. I would also like to go and see that. One of the things I really enjoyed about the culture is their religion. I would not personally want to be a part of it, but their strength about their beliefs is what I appreciate. I would thin that it would be really nice if we were all walking through grocery stores and over the intercom we would hear that it is time for prayer. i also think it would be great if we all got shorter work days at least on month out of the year to build our relationship with god. I feel like they put their belief in their "god" a lot more than we are even able to in America. In America, God is only a past time and can not interfere with your work, school or other lifestyles or you would so easily be replaced. In Dubai I think It would be a lot more accepted if you needed Sundays off to go to church than it is in America. A work place here would replace you regard;less of the fact that church is healthy for the mind and soul. I think it is neat that you are reminded on a daily basis about their "God" than us, most Americans only go to church once or twice a week, over there, like I said earlier it is not uncommon to be walking through the mall and hear pray time being announced. I also like the fact that drinking and drugs are not tolerated, yes I am sure it happens. I also would like to see their horses, I Guess Dubai is known for their big horses, and I always wanted to go on horse rides, maybe like some trail adventure...lol... like a cowgirl might have.. sounds fun to me and it is something I have never done.

Chocolate Eggheads

Why is my candy the best logical choice of candy?

1. Its chocolate... that to me is reason enough. I wouldn't have always said this. Ask me over 2 years ago and my response would have been, go for the smarties.

2. It has antioxidants in it... come on they are good for the body.

3. They help libido.

4. It has caffeine in it. If your like most Americans, you will go for the caffeine. I think they should make a coffee chocolate bar in the morning... eat chocolate and coffee {best mornings start with chocolate and coffee.

5. Cocoa is natural and been proven to help the skin.

6. The taste, now we all know, no other candy taste like chocolate.

7. It has been around since 1100 B.C.

8. Chocolate has been known to stimulate the brain and reduce coughing.

9. Causes serotonin to up rise, thus causing stress to be reduced.

10. Has been known to lower blood pressure.

abuse

I was reading tonight about wemon that are abused by men, I think that it is awful..I look at the picture of the woman with a black eye and I wonder how a man could ever do that no matter the reason. I know that these wemon have to love these men with all their hearts, and i think to myself how can someone that is loved so much turn and hit on her? I was reading that abusive men typically go through cycles with all wemon they are with. they go from average to fantasy to actually setting the other person up for abuse, then they abuse and give the woman a excuse. If that is the case wouldnt beating another wemon be a type of disease like bi poar? I am not sure here I am just guessing. But I read further and it states that abusers are not allways aggresive people amoungtsts the public, they are typical people who do ot get upset when their bss gets in their face or anything eolse happens.Reports have stated that wemon are abused claim that the abuser is not in a rage of anger either. Often the abuser can stop at the knock of the door or even the phone ringing. Makes me wonder about the person..It also states that wemon are abused often buy into the romance of the other person and stay.. It is like when the good is good, it is better than a love story, but when the abuser is abusive it is black eyes and fat lips? i read that it is often people who are in control of things. It is often those who seem to have it all together and need to be very dominant. I read of reports of wemon who it sarts off very slow and simple, first he begins to isolate you then break down your self esteem..he often goes for total dependance on him. It is a man who is in complete control of the situation. Anyhow, that was my thoughts at the mooment.

What am I passionate about???

I am passionate about being a mother and a wife. I could not image life with out these and would understand why anyone would not want these long term. I do like a break and even complain for one at times, but overall I would be lost without this traditional role. I am passsionate about school. I cam back to school because it has been something that I have allways wished that I would have done beefore I had started the family. I want my own place in the world and I want to choose that place. I am not sure exactly where that place is, but I know it will be with children or people of some sort. I am passionate about my work, I do believe that if you go to work you should do your job and do what you are getting paid for. I cant say that everyday i love to work at my current job, but I supppose it is something I must enjoy more often than nt or I would not be there. I sometimes think I would want another job and have shared with others about how I would like to find another job, but then I stay and allways say that I am comfortable and love the residents. I am passionate about too many things right now in m y life I think I am spread too thin in too many directions and hope that this will change as soon as school gets done. I do like the school but I can not afford to not work and would not really know who I was with out a job, considering I have worked since I was 14 years old. That means I have been in the work force for over 15 years, and when I say that I know that I am passionate about getting this schooling.. becausee after 15 years of hard work I have not a whole lot to show for it. You would think that by saying because I have workedc for 15 years I would have had a jump start on others, but most of the time and money has been spent on wants and needs for the time, not a whole lot for my future. So that leads to I am passionate about my future. i wanna know that some day after another 30 years of work I can and will retire. I wanna know that I can comfortably sit back without the worries of how the bread will be put on the table or where it is I will live. I would hate to think that my children will have tht burden. I have not put alot of thought into what I am passsionate about, but mostly it sounds like security. I want to be secure in my life, but also be free enough to enjoy what it is that I am doing and watch my children grow.

Easter

Easter was nice. I went to my fathers and two of my sisters and one of my brothers came. An old friend also brought her daughter over. We all stuffed and found eggs, and of course I hid them from the little ones. We also fished and my son tukker caught over 16 crappie out of my dads pond. We named the fish according to their size. Walter was the biggest, he was about 10 inches and plenty round. Then there was teeny timothy, and of course he was the smallest. The boys had a really good time fishing. In fact me and my sister were standing at dads big window watching them fish from the pond, and we were recalling how our brothers use to fish when it was freezing out. They would stand out there in the cold, every breath they took you could see. They would not have gloves on or sometimes even hats, but they were warm. If they got told to come in they would remark, but it is not that cold out. Sunday when we got up, my boys were like watching my brothers as we all grew up. It was raining and cold out. They continued to stand out there and fish for hours. It would rain some, then would stop just long enough for them to get a perch. That to them was enough reason to stand out there when it was raining. We had a really good time over easter. My dad cooked, like allways, he made us all hambugers on the grill, mac and cheese and tomatoes with cottage cheese. My father is a very good cook, so anything had it been just hot dogs, would have made us all very pleased. We cant forget to mention and old tradition at my dads, goes back to when I was a child. Whenever dad wasnt working, which wasnt often, or for the holidays, he allways bought a movie and watched it with us all. This Easter we all watched Denise the Menace. It was a good movie and was entertaining for everyone, even us adults. While watching Denise the menace, dad brought out the ice cream. That also was something he allways did for us. Ice cream is a treat for my kids and was a treat to us then. We did other things whole we were there too, important enough to mention. We all flew kites, and dads is a great place to fly them, he has a acre yard or bigger. We all hung around and gossiped. We got to play with my cousins new little one, the newest member of the family. We ate lots of candy. I got to play easter bunny, stuffing the baskets after the kids went to bed. I allways enjoy this, itis one of my favorite parts. The only thing we did not do, that we normally do is go out to eat somewhere nice on Saturday. But it was still a very nice, busy weekend.

Hamilton Kansas

After reading some about the assignment and posting some answers I decided to write about what ws on my mind so that I can possibly use it later. I grew up in Hamilton Kansas, I lived there with my mother and father until the age of eight. It was a small town out in the middle of no where. I knew every person on every corner and was well known myself. I went to a very small school with about 10 people per class. Infact the classrooms are combined. Kindergarten is the only room to itself in grade school. other than that first and second share a room and so on. I have alot of good memories and a few bad ones about growing up here. I remember everyone knew each other so it was great to get together and play kick the can or just all go to the park. but there was some bad memories like, Danny tony, who died in a house fire. And one of my best friends who lost her mother to cancer. I could go on and on about this town. It was a town that was divided by a main hiway. It had a small gas station, full service and a very small store that a woman named Donita owned, and she was incredibly short with us children and did not like it when we all came together and would buy icecream or candy. She also owned the only laundry mat and a small portion of rental houses in town, including the one my parents were buying. There was also a small post office, infact the smallest post office I have ever seen. It was just barely big enough for 2 or 3 people to do business in. Then there was the oil business and the slotterback shop, other than that not a whole lot there. I still know some of the people from that town and not many really stuck around, except for those that now work for the city, the oil copany or had kids and married. but if I were to still go back I would proabably know everyones last name from when I lived there before. Infact one of my aunts and one cousin are still there. I did find some info on the town and the population was 334 on the 2000 census. still very ssmall and proabably wont grow much more. I am hoping to find a airial picture of the school so that I can later share with you about this incredibaly small school and the U we use to run,, will have to elaborate later on the U. I also found that currently there are 54 grade school students toatal.. that is quite interesting I think compared to the 1000 that are in springfield and the number of grade schools.

2008 Student Enrollment: 54Pre-Kindergarten Enrollment : 3Kindergarten Enrollment : 91st Grade Enrollment : 62nd Grade Enrollment : 53rd Grade Enrollment : 104th Grade Enrollment : 65th Grade Enrollment : 66th Grade Enrollment : 4

that was the students per class room.

here are a few photos of what we called donitas.. it was the small grocery store/ hambuger shop,

Does your family have a special place it goes for picnics or reunions?
Is there a place where you had an important conversation with a friend?
Is there a place where something traumatic happened to you?
Do you know where, exactly, your parents got married or got engaged?
Do you know where the first members of your family to come to this town slept the first night they got here?
Is there a special place you go with friends to be happy together?
Or maybe a place where something happened that changed your town or state or nation:
Are there places nearby where something of historical significance to the state or nation happened?


My family use to go to my grandmothers house for family reunions.. now that she has retired, the famiy does not gather like it use to. My current family all goes to my dad for family get togethers now. I love it there because it feels like home so much to me. I am not sure where this feeling comes from but it is a lighthearted comforting feeling. A feeling of safety.

I am not sure that I can recall a place that I have had an important conversation with a friend. so this idea would be completely out for me.

If there is a place that someting tramatic happened to me I am not sure this woud be the topic I would choose. I can recall one event that even to this day weighs on me everytime my senses pick up anything that remind me of it... it is very tramatizing and not an event I am interested in sharing or writing about.

I do know about my parents history, the whole story about how my dad ran over my moms dog and when he went to the house to tell the owners there was my mom. It was a small town in Kansas. I still remember our very first house that we all had together and can remember the yard, shed and garage... it is a place that I can recall very well in my memory. this would be a good topic for me if I choose to, ad there is alot of emotions and memories here.

I have no knowledge of my family history, not alot anyhow. I know my mothers side of the family originated in oregan. well not originated but that is as far back as I have ever heard any stories, but there is not alot for me to write on this topic other than facts or stories that others have shared with me.

There use to be a place that me and all my friends would go, It was mcKees lake. Alot of memories here, everything form having to rebuild fence at 4 am, duckhunting with my brothers, the biggest crappie I have ever caught, camping with my own children, swimming everyday in the summer and memories of my very first boyfriend and a car wreck... this also would be a good topic.

There is not a place that changed my town or state situation that I would have alot to say or would have feelings or could recall senses.

One place though that was not mentioned was church. I could have alot to say about this.. I would have alot of personal thoughts, feeling and senses into this one, infact this was the very first thing I thought of when I started to read the assignment. It is a bit more boring than some of the other topics zi could choose, but it would be the most up to date one and probably a better one to research also.

I hope that these kind of ideas are what you are looking for, this is what cam to mind when I read the assignment. I could do a research paper on my home town in Kansas, it is a small town that has a long history. So as far as research that also would be a good one.

Getting Personal

I was reading other English journal and discovered that a lot of them are very personal with a lot of emotions and feelings behind them. I am not sure if that is the right thing to do with an English journal but thought I would give it a try and not consider for a second what one might think of me when they read this. I have a really rough time sharing things with people, but want to share what I think this stems from. When I was growing up, I felt like my mother rejected me. I don't think that it was really anything to do with me, but it was the fact that I was not the boy my father wanted her to have. My father loved me for the tom BOY I was. It was not really that I wanted to be that tom BOY, it was that I wanted acceptance from my father and mother. Everything that came out of my father mouth about me, was that..your not a boy. He wasn't saying it with anger, he was saying it as if, If I was to be a boy then he would have let me go to all the ball games. If I were a boy I could have went to the movies with my friends. If I were a boy I could have gone to work with him during the summer. What didn't make much sense though was everything he did, right down to the gifts he himself purchased me were all boy toys. I remember I got a semi truck for Christmas because it was what I liked to play with. I never once even through my teenage years shared with him that I wanted more than anything to be a girl. I wanted to go and get my hair done and have fake nails put on and painted. I wanted all that. My very first car was even a car that every teenage boy would have dreamed to have gotten from their father. My mother also would be a constant reminder about how my father loved his son when he was born, so of course I strive to be what my father wanted and that was a little tom BOY. I still to this day look back and blame this rejection on my mother. Yes my father wanted a boy, but what about the little girl that every mother dreams of? Where was all the frill and lace? Where was the talks about boys, and how to be a lady? There was never any. I had a conversation about my childhood with my dad about a month ago and he was talking about girls and what they are like growing up, now that he has raised three. He was commenting about them painting on their eyelashes and how expensive they were etc..etc... and I said that wasn't true, and he said... it wasn't true for you Lorna. He says, you were not a ordinary girl. At that moment I wanted to tell him that no I wasn't, but it wasn't because I didn't want to be, it was because I was never given the chance or treated like one. My mother left me when I was 16, she left many times before that. She first left me when I was 9. I then moved in with my father. I shortly went back to her when she was ready. Then she left me again when I was 12. At that point I had to go to court and tell the judge where it was that I wanted to live. Of course I said my Father's, which tore out my mothers heart I am sure. I did not decide my fathers for me, I decided my fathers for my little brother that came along after me. I knew that he was my fathers pride and joy... a miracle in my dads eye that he got what he always wanted. A son to pass everything down to. How could I tear that away from him? I knew the judge was going to place us together what ever my choice was, so I really had no choice. After that, but right when it seemed that I needed a mom the most, my mother often told me when I turned to her that "I had a father, ask him" I know now that she didn't do it to hurt me, it was done because I had hurt her. Still not a price a child my age should have had to paid. After that time with my mother wasn't really time at all. I spent most of my years with my father, helping with my brother. All through those years I was never taught anything a girl needed to know, but instead was secluded form society, as that was his way to protect me. Keep her here, fishing, playing in the mud and away from boys. It wasn't a bad idea really as I was a good student in school and never got mixed up in anything. Then came the day that mom left for good, I was 16 years old. It seemed to me that this was the years that I needed her to be their and educate me about what it is like to be a woman. I often laugh because, one of the silly things that drove me insane one day when I was growing, was that little extra string inside shirts... I think it is to keep it on the hanger, but If I had only had a mom, I would know for sure. I do know how to keep house and look after children, my father taught me that. But no one ever taught me how to put on makeup, or why girls should behave a certain way. I feel like it has shaped who I am today, some I am glad about, because I can fend for myself. I am very kind hearted but can make my own way and don't need anyone else. SO I think. But on the other hand, I am not sure what my part is as a lady in the house... I guess what ever I make it? As I get older I can see and learn from other outside sources, but sometimes when I see something now, I think to myself is that something all girls know? Am I just now seeing it? I feel a lot of times that as a woman I am cut very short. I did have other women in my life. I had a step mom, she was kind, but never a mom to me. never took me shopping like her daughters. I never needed that black skirt that my step sisters couldn't live without. I was never neglected, she was a friend to me when I went to her, she just never came to me and mothered me. I have often wanted to find a mentor and see what it is like to follow a woman around to see what she is like. To see if she is like me, or if I am that girl my dad says.... very different. When I was growing up, my dad often told me to come out of my mole hole, that was him referring to my room. I never understood why, now I sometimes wish I would have. Maybe I wouldnt have missed out on so much girl talk.

Vacation

As soom as school gets out this school year, I am going to work all the overtime I can and save for a nice vacation. Me and the boys are all going to go to the beach. I am not sure what beach it is that we are going to go and see, I just know that we are going to be burrying each other in the sand before summers end. We have all thought about it and nothing sounds better to us then, laying on the beach playing in the water and doing a little relaxation/family time. I hope that I can find a really great deal on a famly vacation pack so that we can get the most for our money. I have not been on vacation since 2005. It has been almost 4 full years. Now that the boys are the perfect age to be enjoying and remembering some of the things we do I really want to get out and take them somewhere. We did go to my sisters for one summer vacation and had a great time. That was the time when the gorilla longed after Tukker, my youngest son. It was really interesting. We went to the zoo with my sister and her little ones and this gorilla cam to the side of the cage and followed Tukker every where he went. The gorilla also proceeded to kiss Tukker through the glass. It was really amazing and we all had a really great summer that summer. We went to the lake every day and spent hours out in the water and on the beach. We even did a little shopping. The last vacation we took was when we went to colorado and went up into the m ountains just to sight see and enjoy some of the tourist sights. But the problem that time was the boys were too little to be traveling and it was a really long trip for me and them both. There wasnot alot you can do to enjoy yourself when you have one toddler and one kindergartener. It was fun and something new, but was very for from relaxing to me. This time I have this great feeling that with the boys being able to follow more directions and have the ablility to see pleasure in sight seeing, that a family vacation would be a great joy for all of us. We have all agreeed though, that the beach is the spot. We want to possibly also go deep sea fishing. That I am not sure we will get to do, because it will depend on the cost of such a navigated event. I do know that you can go snorkeling for a pretty cheap price, but have heard that anything that has to do with leaving the beach, is a large chunk of money. I know that there is packages that you can buy though that include diffrent events and like I said we will have to see what we can find. I really hope though that we can fish, only because my boys love it so much.

Easter

Easter is not a really big holiday in my family. We are getting together to color eggs and hunt them. We will also have a dinner. But normally if we do or do not get together is not a real tradition. I mean, some of them we spend together others, well we do not. I do like to attend church on Easter, in fact if i remember correctly it was Easter that I was baptized. I know I should remember this but... well... It was about ten years ago when I was baptized. We do always color eggs and hunt them no matter if we go to other family members, or just sit at the house all by our own. We do normally hunt eggs and eat the candy. Of course who can do without the Easter candy, my favorite is the recees Easter eggs filled with peanut butter. I am not sure why, but they taste different than the normal reecees. I also like the malt balls. I like to dye the eggs and I really enjoy hiding them from the boys. I also enjoy eating them later as deviled eggs. One of the best parts of Easter is seeing if every time the boys wake up, they will still believe that the Easter bunny has hopped his way into our house and left the tasty treat and hopped out with out waking a soul. Up to this point they still think he does. They have asked though how he can get into the house when wed lock all the doors at night. My response of course, every mom has to tell fibs to keep the spirit going, is he has magic Easter dust and can come right in. I have to thank my father for giving me this joy of the holidays. I remember him going as far as using baby powder to leave big Easter bunny paw prints that lead right to the basket and out the back door. I do like the dinners and the family time, and of course church, but before everything else I like that children still have enough faith in such things as the Easter bunny. I could not even imagine now as an adult how a big white or pink rabbit about the size of myself could even exist. But to my boys, it is as real as the person you see every day in the mirror. I think it is great that children can believe in something that they have never seen, cant touch, and makes absolutely no sense.

English so far?!?!

I did not realize that college English would be about imagination and story telling of all sorts, fiction and non fiction writings. I really thought it would be about grammar and punctuation. I am a bit surprised at this point about what I have learned. I think that a lot of it is very useful information, but it is just not what I was expecting. I took Anatomy last semester and most think that it is really hard. I personally think that using my own imagination is a lot harder than reading and remembering text. Last Wednesday in class we had to build a pencil holder out of play dough. What I discovered about myself is that my imagination is dry... a lot like my humor I suppose. I sat there at the table and thought and tried to think of something creative, but nothing came to mind that would suit my own expectations of creativeness. When I think of creative, I think... Something never done before, original. That is what I wanted to sit in front of me on my desk, but that is not what appeared. I first tried to build lips to hold the pencil, even though now as I have thought about It I should have made teeth. I also made a pencil hammock, a very plain pencil holder that I built, it wasn't much but it yelled sturdy and will do the job and be reliable. I then resorted to sunglasses, only because I like them and could not come up with anything else. After we all got done with our pencil holder creations we had to swap with someone else in the class and add to their creation. When I sat at the other students desk, I was really impressed with their creation. It was thought out and original and maybe said something about him as a student. My fist thought about him and his creation was, I bet he is a very good writer and will pass this class with flying colors. I wonder if he ever struggles for ideas as I do every time even the simplest thing is assigned? I mean even with this blog, I thought tonight I would write because I had and needed to. What I wanted to write about once again was work or riding bikes with my family, which is what a lot of my blogs is about, my work and family. I am just amazed that I am struggling more with English than I did anatomy. I wonder if it is because I have spent so many years all ready with a family and in a work environment. I mean, nothing is really left to the imagination their. It is the same basic rules that everyone believes to be acceptable. I do my work according to what they want and expect. I mother and wife as to what my family wants and expects... there is not a whole lot of imagination to be put into it. maybe I am just plain boring.

Working in Groups

Sometimes while working in groups I am not sure where my proper place is. I often end up by just sitting back and not so much putting alot inot it, then as the group continues I often get the lead. I do not necessarily like the lead but am allwyas afraid that I will not get a decent grade if I do not lead. There has been a few times that I just sat back and went with whatever was given to me, but it does not allways promise a decent grade. It seems like to me that group projects are allways the hardest. I have to also do a group project in my communications class and I am having to rely on about 4 other pepople to do tyheir part... it is not a really good feeling.